i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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