Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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