Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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