If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
