she takes plan B like it's going out of style
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
