Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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