During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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