apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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