my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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