I can tuck mytits in my pants
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
