There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
