Just fell off a train. Bad.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Semen is not good for contacts.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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