how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
