I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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