Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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