I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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