i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
