why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
