she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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