i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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