Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
