He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
