I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so much tequila, so little girl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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