shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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