I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
