just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need water and some morals
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
