He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
