I seem to have left my pride at pride
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
