i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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