Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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