Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We have started to decorate penises.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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