i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish i was in the wii world.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
