I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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