She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
