i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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