i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
