I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
