is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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