I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
