I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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