i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
