The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
