Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
