I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
