The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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