what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
