so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
