things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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