the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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