question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
