I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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