I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
