that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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