she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
