Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
