Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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