If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
