it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
