I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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