....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I will pee on everything he values.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
