i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
