summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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