Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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