she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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