She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
