just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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