Swine flu. Run for my life!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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