bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
