hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
