Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
