I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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