The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
