In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
