While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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