Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
