he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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