What did we do last night that was yellow?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
