I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
