Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your dad touched me again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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