I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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