I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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